Damn it feels good to be a dancer.

CRUD REPORT FLASH 2002®: "VT GOP Chair Calls on Dean to Open Record To Public
Thu Jul 31 2003 15:43:44 ET

Montpelier, VT - Vermont Republican Party Chairman Jim Barnett today called on former Governor and presidential candidate Howard Dean to open his gubernatorial record to public scrutiny. Dean has sealed his papers for a decade.

'If Howard Dean plans to run on his record in Vermont, he needs to share that record with the public' said Barnett. 'The American people should not just have to take his word for it.'

'By refusing to subject his record to public scrutiny, Howard Dean is telling the American people to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain,' Barnett continued.

'If Howard Dean is serious about straight talk, he can start by being upfront with the American people about his tenure as Governor of Vermont. If he doesn't open his record, it obviously means there's something he wants to hide from us,' said Barnett.

END"

The irony of a Republican calling for a candidate to open his records after what the current administration has done to open government is so... 90's. Think Cheney and energry comission. Think Bush and the Saudi intelligence report. Think the whole executive branch and any number of its own reports it didn't like the facts in... I guess they have something to hide.

Something Awful - The Internet Makes You Stupid:

"There are two freakishly nauseating mutant spawn on the box, one of which looks like a 40-pound fetus undergoing chemotherapy and wearing an adult diaper, and the other resembling a monkey-human hybrid who has suffered buckshot wounds to her face and has Cthulu-esque tentacles protruding from her greasy orange eggplant skull. If that doesn't sell a breakfast cereal, I don't know what would."

I couldn't describe Tommy Pickles or Eliza Thornberry better myself.

Sunday Times: US army admits Iraq suicides [ 23jul03 ]

In answer to a prior query posed on this blog, yes it seems that "non-hostile gunshot incidents" does in fact mean suicide. In fairness weapons cleaning accidents are included in this category as well.

"'In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.'"

--Yogi Berra

Challenging the Qur’an:

Still, Luxenberg may be ushering in a whole new era of Qur’anic study. “Luxenberg’s findings are very relevant and convincing,” says Mondher Sfar, a Tunisian specialist on the historic origins of the Qur’an in exile in Paris. “They make possible a new interpretation of the Qur’an.” In the West, questioning the literal veracity of the Bible was a crucial step in breaking the church’s grip on power—and in developing a modern, secular society. That experience, as much as the questioning itself, is no doubt what concerns conservative Muslims as they struggle over the meaning and influence of Islam in the 21st century. But if Luxenberg’s work is any indication, the questioning is just getting underway.

Raisins... not virgins?

Interesting.

Leonard's Legal Barn:

" A 'dance mixtape' that Leonard made which consists of 68 solid minutes of sounds from Leonard's washing machine trying to clean a car battery."

Read www.somethingawful.com.

BBC - h2g2 - How To Understand Statistics:

"Think about how stupid the average person is; now realise half of them are dumber than that.
- George Carlin"

Dumbass!

Yeah in case you're wondering, that is George W. Bush desecrating a flag.

Romancing the Rosetta Stone

Badass idea of the week (and it's only Monday!). This guy wrote software that allows you to feed it some translations of books in different languages, and then the software trains itself to translate /anything/ between said languages. What's particularly cool is that the software knows nothing of grammar and doesn't use dictionaries. It uses "experience" from previous translations to make the current translation. His software recently won a translation contest among 23 competing products.

Best Thing Ever^TM

Yahoo! News - Pro-Bush Group Uses Carrier Photo to Raise Funds

Is this supposed to be even remotely suprising?

Yahoo! News - Cubans make freedom bid in floating Chevy truck

Top of Yahoo! a day after I blogged it. About time;)

And not so good to be Wil Wheaton today.

Herald.com - Cubans try to 'drive' over Florida Straits More on the truck from the last post. The Coast Guard sank the truck:(

Yahoo! News - Top Stories Photos - AP
12 guys try to cross the Florida Straights in a boat made of 55 gallon plastic drums and 1951 Chevy truck. It looks very much like they're driving across the water. Unfortunately about halfway across they were picked up by the Coast Guard and returned to Cuba. I understand the policy, but shouldn't there be a prize for novelty? Come on! I bet GM would like to have that truck.

It's good to be Wil Wheaton these days.

Pop icon Michael Jackson comes out against locking up music pirates

I was just thinking yesterday about getting the artists involved in the coming lawsuits. Interesting...

Yahoo! News - Researchers: Hackers to Abuse Cisco Flaw

SAN JOSE, Calif. - A day after Cisco Systems Inc. warned of a serious software flaw in networking gear that routes Internet traffic, researchers said hackers had figured how to cripple the equipment.

There were no immediate reports of outages, but that was expected to change, the Computer Emergency Response Team, a taxpayer-funded group at Carnegie Mellon University, said Friday in an advisory.

"This exploit allows an attacker to interrupt the normal operation of a vulnerable device," the CERT advisory said. "We believe it is likely that intruders will begin using this or other exploits to cause service outages."

No shit? I bet they report the Pope will wear a funny hat next.

Yahoo! News - Found Body May Be British Weapons Adviser

Kelly, a 59-year-old former U.N. weapons inspector, was at the center of a political storm over allegations that Blair's office altered intelligence on Iraq's alleged weapons programs to support the decision to join the U.S.-led war in Iraq. The government denies the claim.

Ready, set, develop conspiracy theory.

Yahoo! News - Democrat Eyes Potential Grounds for Bush Impeachment

Without getting political in this post, I predicted during the 1998 Clinton/Lewinsky brouhaha that politicians were setting the bar for presidential impeachment so low that three of the next five presidents would face impeachment precedings. I don't think this will go anywhere, but it's always the cover up that gets ya. Ain't that right Slick Willy? Wouldn't you say so Tricky Dick? How about you Ronnie?

Tangentially, thinking of the Iran/Contra affair reminded of a great sketch I saw on an SNL repeat the other day. In it Reagan is doing the doting grandpa thing on some girl scout, and then as soon as the cameras are gone he turns around pulls down all these maps and starts minutely detailing Iran/Contra to his befuddled advisors. Between Phil Hartman's incredible Reagan impression and the complete switch in personality every time a "civilian" enters the room, it's a hilarious sketch.

Frankie Mayo's 300th MP Donation Page

Frankie Mayo is sending air condtioners to the troops in Iraq. Short of a ticket home, I can't think of a much better thing to send the guys and gals over there.

The Army in its immortal wisdom says that AC's are nice, but what the troops really need is moist towelettes(sic) (frickin' baby wipes!). I think KFC really needs to step up here.

Yahoo! Sports: "Juan Antonio Flecha of Spain won Stage 11 of the Tour de France
on Thursday. The following are the top 20 overall cyclists:

1. Lance Armstrong (USA) 49 hours, 16 minutes 37 seconds
2. Alexandre Vinokourov (Kazakhstan) 21 seconds behind
3. Iban Mayo (Spain) 1:02
4. Francisco Mancebo (Spain) 1:37
5. Tyler Hamilton (USA) 1:52
6. Jan Ullrich (Germany) 2:10
7. Ivan Basso (Italy) 2:25
8. Roberto Heras (Spain) 2:28
9. Haimar Zubeldia (Spain) 3:25
10. Denis Menchov (Russia) 3:45

2003 Results of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Bad writing done well. Hint: There's a specific category for stories that start with, "It was a dark and stormy night."

My favorite, from the "Vile Pun" section:

Sarah felt bored and unsatisfied, even though her job as a nurse's aide included helping patients and keeping track of the billiards equipment in the recreation room at the Venereal Disease Treatment Center, and she wondered what her mother had been thinking all those years when she repeatedly told her that a young lady should mind herpes and cues.

Brad Jolly
Longmont, CO

Yahoo! News - Masturbating Lowers Prostate Cancer Risk -Study: "
Australian scientists have shown that the more men masturbate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop the disease that kills more than half a million men each year. "

Wow! I must be in 0% risk category!

NEWS.com.au | Shocks await coma victim (July 16, 2003): "SLOWLY but surely, Terry Wallis is rediscovering his world. After 19 years in a coma he has a lot of catching up to do.

But now the crash victim's family are steeling themselves to break the news that during those lost years his wife had three children by another man.
They will also have to tell him the daughter he remembers as a six-week-old baby is now working as a stripper. "

It's enough to make a guy want to go back to sleep for a little while.

Augusta Chronicle - Reserves wanting to leave Mideast 07/12/03:

About 130 men and women from the 319th remain in Kuwait. Most of the soldiers arrived in mid-February, and a forward team of 20 soldiers has been there since November.
During the first two weeks of the war, the 319th hauled all the bulk fuel for the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force in its drive to Baghdad, a job that took them through hostile territory and into ambushes and firefights.
The 319th is now working for the Army's 260th Quartermaster Battalion. It is stationed at Camp Arifjan, south of Kuwait City.
Soldiers say most of their work involves civilian contractor Kellogg Brown and Root, a subsidiary of Vice President Dick Cheney's former company, Halliburton Corp. The company has contracts to haul fuel, and 319th members are riding along as armed escorts.
'The main reason we're still here is to support Brown and Root,' said Sgt. 1st Class David Uthe, 45, of Augusta.

Interesting.

Defense labels flashing charge physically impossible

The old little dick defense... sweet. A woman claims to see a "semi-erect penis" protruding three inches from her locksmith's shorts. Locksmith says "That's not possible. My dick is only four inches long fully erect!" Funny story.

I've been reading far too much Slate recently. I probably feel like a lot of Republicans did during the leadup to the Clinton impeachment debacle. I just cannot believe that people aren't more pissed about the whole "White House lies about the war" thing. Back then GOP members were going apeshit over Clinton's blow-job and his on the stand equivocations, and the rest of the country yawned and threw them out of office in 1998 midterm elections (bye-bye Newt).

Now Bush lies to the Congress and the Nation during his constitutionally mandated report the Congress, then equivocates about whether or not it was lie, admits it was a lie -- but not his lie (It was the Brits! The CIA got it wrong!), claims it was a short lie so it doesn't really count, and I get the feeling the country doesn't really care. Oh well...

Yahoo! News - Red Planet never closer than now: "Close passages occur every few years as Earth, which runs a faster inside track around the sun, laps its planetary peer. For sky watchers, the excitement arises from the fact that on Aug. 27, the two planets pass as close as they ever get -- about 35 million miles apart instead of the usual distance of about 60 million miles. This will allow a particularly nice view of Mars."

Yahoo! News - Malaysian man severs, cooks and eats own penis

KUALA LUMPUR (AFP) - A 34-year-old Malaysian man, believed to have been high on drugs, severed, cooked and ate his own penis, local media reported.

The man, who was previously diagnosed as mentally unstable, is said to have done so after having taken drugs and awoke in the middle of the night hearing voices telling him to do so.

"The man then wrapped his penis in a piece of cloth, burnt and ate it," a police spokesman was quoted as saying by the Bernama news agency.

He didn't even cook it properly!

Yahoo! Sports:
1. Lance Armstrong (USA) 40 hours, 15 minutes 26 seconds
2. Alexandre Vinokourov (Kazakhstan) 21 seconds behind
3. Iban Mayo (Spain) 1:02
4. Francisco Mancebo (Spain) 1:37
5. Tyler Hamilton (USA) 1:52
6. Jan Ullrich (Germany) 2:10
7. Ivan Basso (Italy) 2:25
8. Roberto Heras (Spain) 2:28
9. Haimar Zubeldia (Spain) 3:25
10. Denis Menchov (Russia) 3:45
11. Roberto Laiseka (Spain) 4:03"

Cool

Slate -- Bush's Data Dump The administration is hiding bad economic news. Here's how.

More lies, equivocations, and obfuscations from the White House. Good article that's heavy on examples.

Yahoo! News - Bush says CIA Cleared Iraq Uranium Claim

Buck = Passed

Or as a witty farker pointed out that headline should read, "CIA ordered to fall on own sword."

Bush Defends U.S. Justification for Iraq War (washingtonpost.com): "Asked for the first time about the uranium issue, Bush said: 'There's going to be a lot of attempts to rewrite history.'"

You know like the White House did when they made things up and called them true and then used them as reasons for going to war. Imagine what would have happened to Clinton in the same situation. Republicans would be calling for his execution! If lying about a blow job under oath = grounds for impeachment then lying about another country so you can send more than 200 Americans (and 4-7K Iraqi civilians) to their deaths = ?

If I had to answer, I'd say grounds for war crimes charges at least.

I've been listening to Youngblood Brass Band for a while now, and I recently found a song I had a while ago called Acousticon Theme. That is one slammin horn line I tell ya.

Bush Defends Pre-War Intelligence on Iraq << Headline on Drudge...

And I'm thinking Bush should be defending his intelligence on any number of issues;)

U.S. Newswire - Vietnam Veteran Files Constitutional Challenge to 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' and Federal Sodomy Statute

Steve Loomis, Purple Heart recipient and Vietnam combat veteran, is seeking to end the Army's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy with a lawsuit. Good for him, but the most galling part of the story is near the end.

The Army discharged LTC Loomis, a former engineer war plans officer, for being gay eight days prior to his twenty year retirement date. As a result, LTC Loomis forfeited his retirement pension worth an estimated one million dollars. Each of the Army officers sitting on the discharge board that determined LTC Loomis' fate called homosexuality "a sickness" or said they had "no tolerance" for homosexuality. Efforts to remove those officers from the discharge board for bias failed.

The Army based its discharge on a videotape seized during an arson investigation. An arsonist set fire to LTC Loomis' home in 1996. Civilian authorities investigating the arson found the videotape, which depicts LTC Loomis in private adult consensual sexual conduct, and handed it over to Army officials. The Army used the videotape as the basis for discharge, ending the decorated veteran's distinguished career. The Army provided LTC Loomis no assistance in responding to the tragedy of losing his home or possessions.

First of all they kicked him out 8 days prior to his retirement. Lie about your service record or allow your troops to rape their female counterparts and you're quietly given your retirement. Have an arsonist burn most of your house down, and civilian authorities will turn over a tape they find to the Army cops? That's disgusting! First of all what were "civilian authorites" doing viewing a videotape found at the scene of the fire? Did they think the arsonist filmed himself and left the tape? Second they had no right to turn over the tape to military authorities. I'd be suing the hell out of said civilian authorities. Third after receiving the tape, isn't the military "asking" about his sexuality by viewing it? Were they not at that point conducting an investigation (investigation is inquiry, inquiry requires questions, for if you had the answer why would you be inquiring) into Loomis' sexuality?

Also its nice to see that conflict of interest is not a problem in military courts. I can see the ad now "Haven't joined the 21st (or even 20th) century yet? Do you think, despite the mountain of scientific evidence to the contrary, that homosexuality is a sickness? Do you have 'no tolerance' for 10% of the population? Well Uncle Sam has a job for you!" Perhaps we'll let fundementalist Christians who think all Muslims will and should burn in hell run the military tribunals on Guantanamo Bay.

Good luck LTC Loomis. Go be a hero... again.

Injured dog finds way to hospital

Good dog. Good dog.

Hastert truck hit by water balloon
Man faces a felony charge after he threw a water balloon that hit a truck that Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was driving. Hastert was a little wet but unharmed.

And justice for all,
But more justice for some.

Yahoo! News - Many Doctors Withhold Info From Managed Care Patients

No shit. Really? You mean if the doc knows my insurance won't pay for something shem won't tell me about it? 23% of doctors said they "sometimes" with hold information from patients on managed care while 8% said "often".

From the story, "The study found that doctors whose own salaries are closely tied to controlling costs were more likely than other doctors to report withholding information."

I'm shocked! /cringe/

Willamette Week Online | News INTERVIEW | High Priest

Paul Krassner -- who is this cat, and where do I find his work? Well, off to the /gasp/ library (it's like a World Wide Web, but it's in a building and full of books (bleached dead trees bound between other pieces of dead tree))

Oh BTW the google search that turned up this page is "Jackie Kennedy gets high". Have you ever heard the woman speak? Snoop Dogg got nothing on this chicks speech pattern. What the hell is that accent? New England stoner drawl?

I love Tiger Woods. Loved him since he destroyed the Masters in 1997. He's better at what he does for fun and profit than I am at anything... fapping included, and lemme tell ya I can rub one out.

Check this out. It's called Tiger Trap, and it's a phrackin Buick commercial. How can you not like this guy?

I love the way he introduces himself. He's on a golf course and he walks up to people and says, "Hi I'm Tiger Woods". These people are golfing for God's sake! There isn't a man, woman or child on the planet that's been on a golf course in the last ten years who doesn't know who Tiger fucking Woods is! The best analogy I can come up with is that your Catholic, you die, you go to the pearly gates, and the guy behind the counter says, "Hi I'm Saint Peter." The problem with that analogy is that there are more golfers who know who Tiger is than there are Catholics who know who Saint Peter is.

http://www.preventcancer.org/colossalcolon/
It's a colon. It's colossal.